Now, don't get me wrong, your feelings and thoughts are valid. After all, they are what make you unique. You have a right to think and feel the way you do. What I'm addressing is how far that will get you in court. Because the law, and hence the court, is less concerned with those rights. Don't be surprised if the court gives no weight to your opinions.

The Court doesn't tell people what to think, just how to behave. Truth is, the court knows there is no shortage of differing opinions, feelings, and thoughts. Without these opposing thoughts, I'd dare to say there would be no need for courts, no need for lawyers. Differing thoughts are the fodder for all debates and they may very well be the root of the problem that brought you to court.

It often happens — you arrive at the court as a party or witness thinking that the court is asking you to come there to share your thoughts, right? Wrong! Don't make that mistake.

Experts get called to court to give an opinion and some get paid quite a bit of money to do it. You are probably not getting paid — you may be losing money, losing time from work.

In the area of family law particularly, everybody and their grandmother have a thought or an opinion. In a typical divorce, emotions run high and people who used to be on the same wavelength can't understand a word the other person is saying. In some cases, the parties never shared a common goal or thought because they never had a chance to know each other.

Let me break it to you gently — most of the time the court is NOT asking you to share your thoughts. The court is asking you for EVIDENCE. The Court might even get angry that you gave your opinion instead of presenting the hard cold evidence.

Here is the good news… testimony is considered evidence. So, when people take the stand to give testimony, what should they be talking about if not their opinions? When you give testimony, remember that the court is not asking for thoughts or presumptions or guesses. Instead, focus on the following:

• What did you see and hear?
• What did you observe?
• What happened next?
• Who said what? [If you know anything about hearsay, even testifying about what was said out of court is not allowed unless there are exceptions.]

When I hear traffic cases, you'd be surprised how many people come into court and say, "I think the light was yellow," or "I think I was going the speed limit." Do you see how that is very different testimony from what they actually saw and heard?

Too often in family law cases, I hear clients say, "Well, I want things to go my way because I think the other party is doing X, or I think s/he can do Y." You may be right… but, guess what? The court doesn't give a >%@! What you think!

A good attorney preparing his/her client or a witness for court will say, "Let's get to the bottom of what is causing you to have an opinion." Is it just a hunch, a deep strong feeling? Is it based on evidence — and what is that evidence? Is it admissible evidence? Is it based on clear and convincing evidence? Is it based on competent substantial evidence?

If you have a court case, concentrate on the evidence that is to be presented in court — your thoughts really don't matter. The law creates standards and criteria; the court looks at the factors and elements that must be proven. Working closely with your attorney, you should be familiar with the factors and elements, the evidence the law considers as important. Give the court what it's really looking for and leave your thoughts out of it.